If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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