I can text with my tongue
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
