So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
you made out with another girl for some wings
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
