the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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