I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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