just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
