we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
you had me at cake vodka
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
