He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
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sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
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