She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
