Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
