Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
