Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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