I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
