theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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