the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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