and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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