dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
