I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
