This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
