I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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