My girlfriend figured out who you are.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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