I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
