Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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