Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
