they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
