well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize