Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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