I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
