i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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