I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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