No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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