ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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