listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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