all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
