Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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