There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
