someone threw a dead crab at me
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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