If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
