I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
