mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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