How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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