he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
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