Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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