I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize