My room smells like vodka and shame
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
