I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
jump out the window naked night went bad
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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