I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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