I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
