DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
