Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
