Jerry, you need to find god
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
