I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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