Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
