Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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