I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
