"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
