this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
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The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
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I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
The air taste purple.
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