you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
it's like heaven, but drunker
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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