i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
