Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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