There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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