So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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