Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
