i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
