the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
