you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
