It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
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he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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