its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
