Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
