Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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