She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
