dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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