if i can run in heels then i can drive
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
