Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
