Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
