I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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