She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
