if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
