i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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