He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize